Dating is for the Birds, and I guess I am a Chicken

Okay, I have typically avoided the topic of dating in my blog or on FB.  It's been taboo.  Same as politics is getting to be.  There's no use posting anything because I'm not gonna convince those people who are determined to vote the wrong way (lol!), and they're not ever gonna convince me that the mustard-haired guy will ever be fit to lead this country.  But now that dating is also a topic of conversation with my children, particularly my daughter, maybe it is time to venture into that unchartered territory.  With a glass of wine of course....

 

Emma experienced her first heartbreak just a couple of months ago when she came to the realization that she didn't really like her boyfriend as much as she did when he first asked her to "date."  Now keep in mind that "dating" in middle schools really just means that the two of you are labeled by others as "dating."  You "hang out" at school, and on occasion, may actually go out with a group of friends.  Believe me, I have had her drill down to me exactly what "dating" entails, especially focusing on the question of physical touching.  She said that hugs were allowed, and I still shook my head in disapproval.  I mean hugs could lead to kisses on cheeks --  which can lead to kisses on lips -- which can lead to, well, other things.  So no touching.  Period.  Anyway, back to her heartache.  It was right before the 8th grade dance, which they were attending together, that she broke the news to him.  Poor guy didn't sleep at all that night and poor Emma just felt awful and guilty. 

 

I didn't really know what to say, other than that it's better to be honest up front, and that she did the right thing.  Oh, and that this isn't the last time she'll feel like this, because mama also has to be honest up front, with a lot of head kissing and arm stroking to try to soften the news that heartbreak is part of life.

 

I don't even have to go back to my middle school or high school days to remember how that feels.  Heck, I can go back to last week or last month or last year and feel that knot in the stomach or that tightness in the chest.  Unfortunately, I'm going through the dating experience with Emma and it stinks just as bad for me as it does for a 14 year old.

 

I don't even know how to navigate the dating process these days.  First, how do you even meet guys at MY age and with my kids and animals?  And do not tell me that Farmersonly.com is an option, because it is NOT.  I have looked, especially when I couldn't get the little ditty out of my head --  You don't have to be lonely....with Farmersonly.com.  Yes, I prefer to be lonely.  Sigh.

 

Then there is Match, and I could write a book about my Match experiences.  In reality, I have met some nice people, but I've balanced that out with a bunch of fruitloops.

 

After JA2, I will never date someone I met at church, so that's out. 

 

Not sure what other options are out there, except maybe my hairdresser!  :)

 

So I'm just gonna sit in my house and wait for someone to magically drop out of the sky.  They could actually make it through my fireplace, as there is no damper and birds come down to visit from time to time.

 

Let's say someone magically appears.  What next?  That is also puzzling because everyone is different and they all have different expectations. 

 

• First, are you attracted to each other? 
• Second, are you interesting to each other? 
• Third, are you bringing drama into my life (NO)? 
• Fourth, are you allergic to cats (uh oh)? 
• Fifth, do you have a job?  Wait, maybe that should be third. 
• Sixth, can you communicate VERBALLY (texting does not count)?  Oh shoot, my order is entirely messed up now. 
• Seventh, are you at the same place in your lives?  In other words, are you still partying while I am ready to go to sleep at 10 pm?
• Eighth, do we worship the same God?  Wait, that's another that goes up to the top, probably way before cat allergies.
• Ninth, are you physically in good shape and do you take pride in your appearance,or are you a big couch potato?
• Tenth, do you know the difference between there, their and they're?

 

Okay, so maybe I'm picky, but doggone it, I have a right to be after the dating/marriage calamaties I've experienced.

 

Which takes me to my second glass of wine.....

I keep another diary that is just between me and God.  That one is detailed and contains thoughts that probably should not be shared with anyone but a Higher Power, nothing blog-worthy.  I could probably get sued or something.  Lisa Tolley, if anything ever happens to me, you are to come into my home and destroy it!  Without reading it of course.

That one is for cleansing purposes and is for those nights when sleep eludes me.  It actually is completely open, no JA1 or JA2 references, no redactions.  When I go back and look at that, I think, "OMG, Lord, did I bargain with you when I was with JA2 that if you'd take him out of my life, that I would never date again?"  But then again, maybe it is all in His timing and He is seeing how much my heart can take.  It's not too much different from my sister training for an Iron Man.  Well, she may not think the two are comparable, but that's my take on it anyway.  At least an Iron Man is over in an average of 12 hours, and she can go drink a beer afterwards.

So maybe I'll completely give up men and train for an Iron Man.  Oh wait, I'm not a good swimmer.  Actually I'm a terrible swimmer.  I'll train for a marathon.  Yes, that's what I'll do.

Dang, that glass of wine went fast.

No, no training for a marathon.  Ugh, what was I thinking 2 minutes ago?  Maybe a 5K will do....

If anyone would like to train with me for a 5K or can hook me up with someone who meets my many requirements for a "substantial" relationship (mama, you don't count), you can find me at FB or out in my yard commiserating with the other chickens!