Found -- Children Stories from the Past

While cleaning out work emails, I came across a couple I had sent to Caroline and Ellen about the children.  I had forgotten about these but they brought a smile to my face....

 

From July 2008:

I picked up the kids on Saturday (Brad had them for a two week vacation period) for the day and took Sloan to his ballgame that morning.  He hit a homerun and did not hit one base except home -- just made this huge arc and didn't come close to the bases.  Wish I'd had it on videotape.  Then when we pulled in the driveway at the house, he got out and asked if he could learn to drive.  I have NO IDEA where that one came from.  I said, "absolutely not -- you're only 5."  He said that I could be with him when he learned to drive.  I again said no.  He got to the top of the stairs and looked up at the sky, closed his eyes and say, "God, can I learn to drive?"  He then looked at me and said "God said I could learn to drive and he's in charged of you."  What can you say to that???  Funny......

From March 2009:

Saturday was one of those days when one of my children (I'll let you guess which one) would not listen to me or mind me.  He had two time-outs before 10 am so I knew what kind of day was ahead of me.  By the end of the day, I was worn out and put the kids in the bath, looking forward to some quiet time because bedtime was coming up soon.  Now I still put them in the same bath because, in all honesty, it is easier for me and they usually will play together while I am washing hair, etc.  This week has been a difficult week for baths -- fussing, fighting, water everywhere, you get the picture.  Well Saturday night I went into another room and folded some clothes and it was unusually quiet in the bathroom.  I walked in there and saw Emma lying on her stomach and Sloan rubbing her back.  I said, "What's going on?"  Sloan said, "I'm rubbing Emma's back."  I said, "Wow, what a nice brother your are.  How sweet."  He looked at me and said matter of factly, "Well she's giving me a quarter." 

 Okay, Emma is spending her piggy bank money.  Sloan is now starting to talk about his weiner and uses the words nuts and balls interchangeably (but isn't quite sure what they are since they're not there yet).  I think it is probably about time to move them into separate baths.

I really miss those days......

Will need convalesence after kids' adolescence.....

Okay, the train has left the station and there is no turning back.  The kids are full on into adolescence and I am having just as much difficulty with it as they are.  On one hand, I want to turn back time and take them back to the days when they could not speak. On the other hand, I am ready for them to be driving so Mom's taxi service can have a reprieve.  And then I think.....just live in the moment.  It will all pass and I could possibly look back on these days and wish we were here again, when they were 12 and 13.  Doubt it, but it's possible.


So Sloan started growing facial hair early in sixth grade, if not before.  I was okay with him shaving, but his dad wasn't.  Only after Sloan and I convinced him that other kids were making fun of my son's growing mustache, did he acquiesce and let Sloan shave.  So Sloan used his dad's electric razor and shaved at his dad's house, because he really only needed to shave once every few weeks. About a month ago, Sloan asked if he could get a regular razor for here, so we bought him one, along with shaving cream and after shave.  (I was shocked to learn that Old Spice is in style for teens!  Seriously!)  I was outside on the back deck when Sloan walked out with blue gel strips all over his face and asked what was wrong with the shaving cream.  I had made the assumption that his dad taught him the shaving rules, but he apparently forgot to tell him that you have to put the gel in your hand first and rub it to get it to foam up.  Instead Sloan applied the gel directly to his face!  Let's just say it took a few times before he got it right.  So this starts the transition of the baby smooth face of a boy to the bristly face of a man.  Kills me.


Emma has her own transitional phases, many of which can't be detailed here, but they all include a variety of moods, typical of a teenage girls.  Ah, the angst of it all......


Both kids have come to me, either separately or together, to ask the meaning of "grown-up" words, which I have learned, typically means words related to sex.  Again, on one hand, I am glad they come to me to ask these things.  On the other hand, ugggg, God spare me!  Several months ago, Emma had a list of words she wanted me to define.  I have seriously wiped much of this conversation out of my mind, but one of the words was "boner."  Seriously.  The kicker was that she told me she would check the Urban Dictionary to confirm the meanings of the words.  This was the first I had heard of an Urban Dictionary, and believe me, it is NOTHING like Webster's.  So I discovered this new dictionary, and worse, I discovered I really had to be as transparent as possible with my daughter.  Worse than that, I discovered that she knew words I had never heard of until high school or after!!!  Heck, I needed to check the Urban Dictionary to make sure I knew the definition!!  So, I told her that "boner" was defined as an "erection."  To which she replied, "And what is an erection?"  God help me......
So I told her if a boy EVER came up to her and told her he had a boner, to kick him in his nuts.  And those would be defined as, per the Urban Dictionary:


1. Crazy
2. Testicles
3. Things which monkeys eat.


So done.  Checked off the list.


She asked me shortly afterwards (and in the car -- such a small, confined space for such a conversation) if masturbation had anything to do with chickens.  I swear, I almost ran off the road.  I didn't know whether to laugh or be totally serious.  My strategy typically is to follow a question with a question, like "Where did you hear that word?" or "Why would you think that?" or "Do you want to go get some ice cream?"  They have figured out my strategy now, though, and will not let me divert their attention.  I completely stammered my way through that one but still have no idea how she came to the conclusion that there was some correlation between masturbation and chickens.  God help me....


And there is so much more, but that is for another day.....

A few updates.....because it has been awhile.....

I was kindly reminded a couple of days ago that I hadn't posted anything to my blog in a very long time.  This is true, and there are a couple of reasons why I haven't.  First, where the heck do I find time to do this?  Second, my children are doing and saying things now that may require an "adult content" filter!  OMG, these preteen and teen years!  They are gonna kill me.




Well the kids are with their dad for their two week summer vacation right now, so I currently DO have some time.  This is typically when I tackle a bunch of home improvement projects that are on my "list."  This list is quite long and expensive (yes, I'd LOVE to remodel the basement but don't think I can quite fit that into the two weeks or into my budget).  We shall see what gets accomplished.  Instead of painting right now, I am blogging, so it's not looking promising.....




Also, the two week home improvement project list is a way for me to cope with my children being gone for two entire weeks!  At first it is nice.  I went to the grocery store today and strolled through the aisles picking out exactly what I wanted to eat this week.  I didn't hear Sloan's voice in one ear asking me to get pop tarts, ice pops, ice cream and potato chips, nor did I hear Emma's voice in the other ear asking me to get celery, granola bars, yogurt and whole grain bread.  Yes, Mars and Venus.  So true.  I did hear a voice telling me the total amount I spent when I got to the cashier and I almost yelled for joy when I realized how much I had saved!  That is what happens during the first few days the kids are gone. 




Then the house gets quiet.  The stinky locker room smell starts to subside in Sloan's room.  I don't hear, "Mom, where is my other sock....or my phone....or the mayonnaise?"  The dirty clothes stack is noticeably smaller.  I don't have Coke cans to pick up.  I don't put three plates on the table for dinner.  Even the dog and three cats seem a little sad.  It is that point -- a few days into the two weeks -- that I realize how much I MISS those little imps that aren't little anymore.  What the heck am I going to do when they go to college?  It is such a cliché, but time just goes by too fast. 




I found a diary I started for Emma when she was two weeks old.  It brought tears to my eyes to read those entries about nights of colic, the word "mine" which Emma learned quickly after Sloan was born, and my first day back to work after having children (and getting to go to the restroom ALL BY MYSELF).  Of course the entries became fewer and farther between once Sloan was born and especially after their dad left and I became a single mom, but boy, I am so glad I decided to keep this journal.  It is priceless now.  I need to keep writing in it because life just continues on, but with a little less innocence unfortunately.  An entry from the diary on 12/13/01 (Emma was just 2 months old) was as follows:

You had your 2 month appointment yesterday and what an appointment it was.  Three dreadful shots to those precious little legs.  Of course, they're vaccinations and are good for you but it's so hard for me to see you in pain!  Oh, what am I going to do when you start taking a liking to little boys and experience your first heartbreak?  So many life experiences to go through and I just want to protect you!

So now we are about at that stage of liking boys and experiencing heartbreak.  I'm not sure how that compares to colic and vaccines, but I can tell you that I still feel the same as I did over 13 years ago.  I still want to hold that 5'8" girl and protect her.......